Sunday, May 3, 2009

Time Managment via Racial Profiling

We're all just too too busy right? I mean, I've only seen 2 of the 6 seasons of "The Wire" and the whole of the "Dexter" series awaits. Meanwhile my roots are frightful and I need to plant my herb garden. I know we all suffer these scheduling challenges, so here is a time saving tip on how to find a good school.

You could learn endless facts about various school's curriculum, test scores, student placement, and available activities. You could tour with numerous principals and review all kinds of tiresome education statistics, but take my advice here for this time efficient technique .

To start, check out how many Indian kids there are at the school in question, and I don't mean the "Pocahontas" kind of Indian, I mean the "Patel" kind of Indian. We all know they're smart, right? So if the Indian parents who have done all the extensive reviews mentioned above settle on a school, just follow them! If you have time, you may also consider the following:

Single black mothers from another neighborhood that look like hardasses and have kids that look like Urkel are a good sign, because the mom's probably very devoted & determined and had to bust a lot of heads to get her kid into the school, so that can be taken as a positive sign that this is a good school.

A gay (or even gay looking) principal of either gender is also a good sign, because they will be hypersensitive about any kind of sexual impropriety or shenanigans, which is good! There will be zero tolerance for any touchy-touchy games in school.

A strong showing of Asians used to be a fairly reliable academic indicator, but unless their parents are screaming at them in Mandarin or Japanese, forget it. Really only 1st or second generation counts. The Asian metric has been compromised by some low rent Koreans, and further confounded by all the Chinese girl adoptions; that's totally skewed things; those little girls are making the Jewish girls look low-maintenance.

Lots of Jews is a mixed signal; I mean we know they're smart and that education is very important (Jewish moms can opt for abortions right up til the kid graduates from med school), but if they are at the school you're checking out, you must wonder if there is something wrong with them, as in, how come they're not in Jewish City Day??

So save your valuable time. Just drop by at lunch & if it smells like Chicken Vindaloo and Nan bread, you're good! Sign 'em up and get on to that Netfix que!


The Whale said...

Or you could do things the easy way. Find a good suburban school district where all the schools are good, then don't worry about it. Seems like the convenience of living in the city is awfully inconvenient.

uratuna said...

ho hum. YAWN. whadja say?

Anonymous said...

Suburban schools??? Id rather run you over with a semi than get anywhere near the suburbs,,hahahaha