Public Transportation

Dear everyone in the world, please do not eat on the bus. Why would you even want to? I usually feel like having a high pressure hose-down with Purell after rubbing up against the dirty masses, and you want to EAT in said vessel? Nastay. In addition, please refrain from clipping your nails, flossing, and filing your nails. A lipstick touch-up is fine, but let's do the rest elsewhere, please?? I hate to be in the path of someone else's bronzer.

Fine, listen to your ipod, but please, for the love of GOD don't sing along (unless it's Johnny Cash), and don't play it so loudly that I (or other riders) will be forced to whack you with my umbrella because you can't hear me saying "excuse me, wanker".
You, creepy man above, leave little doubt about were you're going to sit. It will always be right next to me!! Why? Do we have something to discuss? do I look like a skeezy pedophile with a landing-strip hair strategy going on? I don't think so, so just move along to make room for sister below, because she always thinks she's going to fit right next to me, because my ass is skinny. Still I'd rather have her squishing me than risk inappropriate touching from the perv, ain't enough Purell in the world to get that kinda stank offa you.

Also, just for fairness: IF you see someone lurking around with an iphone in a bright green case pretending to be texting, don't do anything stupid like start picking your nose, and make sure your underwear ain't showin. You've been warned.

AND Troy, would you please update your little blog thingy? I'm sick of seeing that post about your cat's nuts.

Happy Mother's day all. Remember to be kind to others & perform your grooming and personal hygiene rituals in private, or at least someplace where I don't have to watch.
Love from Mrs. Bunker,