Monday, May 11, 2009

Marital Advice, For Free!

Since Mother's day and our wedding anniversary are pretty closely grouped together on the calendar, Archie Bunker went ALL OUT for Mother's Day and got me the best vacuum cleaner he could find. Just in case anyone ever wonders, cleaning appliances are never, never acceptable gifts (unless you're hittin' with the cleaning lady and want to sweeten her up a little). I didn't want a new vacuum, I wanted a nice Polish girl to push the vacuum. These girls have apparently all disappeared due to immigration issues, and I feel so much safer, because you know they probably were helping to carry out some grand Fatwa.

But back to the advice. Don't go to an appliance store to buy gifts for the wife. We know you're in there checking out the plasma screen TV's, and any gift that is electronic was a hasty purchase to cover your ass because YOU FORGOT. Go to the jewelry store instead (or the joo-rey store for you southerners, as per the "Real Housewives of Atlanta"). It's hard to screw it up with the bling.

2 comments:

The Whale said...

That's an awfully nice vacuum. I can't believe that didn't make you want to jump into bed and make another baby...after cleaning the house of course.

Edith Bunker said...

bugger off