Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Wrestling Midgets

Once upon a time in darkest Indiana:

When I was in undergrad a few years ago (shut up Whale, it wasn't' that long ago) I worked as a waitress at the Hilton hotel. Every New Year's Eve there was some big pro wrestling show at The Dome. The wrestlers stayed either at the Hilton or at the nearby Hyatt, which was on the other side of the expressway.
After their show, the wrestlers would usually drink tequila shots in the lounge at Hilton until they were very drunk, all of them from Andre The Giant to the littlest little person.
One year, about 8 of the midgets got stuck without transportation from the Hilton to the Hyatt. Since I was the only sober person with a car, the manager asked me to give them a lift, because they were starting to run through their routine in the lobby. He promised me preferential scheduling through all eternity if I would grant this one small favor.
Well. It's pretty hard for a waitress in a tux shirt and bow tie to heard and jam 8 drunken midgets into a crappy college student's Honda, but since they are small, they all eventually fit into my piece-o-shit zero-to-sixty-in-10-minutes chariot. Soon after our departure, I rolled through a stop sign and was subsequently pulled over by a vigilant state trooper.
The officer shone his light into my car, then he was quiet for a pretty long time. Next he asked me what I was doing, and I told him "I'm just driving these midgets back to their hotel, sir". Then he asked me if I had been drinking, and I said "no but the midgets are pretty drunk". Then he stood there staring for a bit longer before telling me to go on my way.
I wonder if he ever shared his experience with anybody, or did he decide it was all in his head? Also, it ought to be noted that the bit about "preferential scheduling" was about as much bullshit as "of course I'll still respect you in the morning".

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You could have just told him you were trying to find the yellow brick road. And if you heard one more verse of "We represent the lollipop guild" that you would unleash the flying monkeys.