Reality Faves

I don't watch the shows. Really! I just, um, hear about them from others. Well... maybe I watch a little; one way to feel better about yourself is to find someone who, despite having more stuff, is a bigger loser. The three stars of reality TV pictured here have served me well, and I am grateful.

Pictured above is Kim from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta". Kim says that she is 29. I also say that I am 29 sometimes, so I get it girl! She spells cat like this: "k-a-t".She likes to sang and warbles like a baby seal that has been halfway clubbed to death. She thanks the Lord for her gifts, including her sangin' ability and her sugar daddy, to whom she is not married, so how can she be a "housewife" anyway? Let's don't press that too hard because I need her back next season.
Next is Bret Michaels who is a former member of the hair band Poison. He hosts a show with some pole dancers and their Tupperware Tittays. I have not actually made it through an entire episode because I'm afraid the kids may get a glimpse and end up scarred for life. What is troubling to me is that I used to think he was hot. In my defense, it was a very long time ago, and I liked Bon Jovi better. Now Brett has a little wattle and a weave, and probably eats Valtrex like jellybeans.

Next is Gretchen. She's from "The Real Housewives of Orange County". Her claim to fame is REAL BREASTS. She too has a sugar daddy and is unmarried, again a little inconsistent with the whole housewife thing, again I'm willing to overlook because she's such a wreck. According to Gretchen's bio on the "housewives" website, she studied psychiatry at Baylor and then went onto a full-time career in gold digging, or retail or something. Well Gretchen, maybe they made a special exception for you because your boobies are the real deal or something, because generally the study of psychiatry is not undertaken until residency training, which occurs after medical school and internship. I'm just sayin...maybe she took a few classes in psychology but didn't take that many notes & is honestly confused. Anyway, keep it comin' sister! Love it when you were humping the teenage boy in the crapper & got busted by his mom!