See what you can do when you vacation someplace warm? If I tried this at home I'd have a hangover and frostbite. Believe it or not, that's not actually me in the above photo, I'd never get caught looking like that. My thong is made of diamond chips and platinum, and is much more elegant. Additionally, I only drink single malt scotch from crystal highball glasses, not that swill that my idol above consumed.
Texas was our holiday destination. I did feel a little left out in Dallas, in that I don't have a Louis Vuitton handbag, and apparently everyone else in the metropolitan area does. The precious bags are transported in hulking SUVs or club-cab pick-up trucks from one massive shopping mecca to the next.
It would have been a nearly perfect holiday but for that asshole I accidentally married. I'm pretty sure he's got mad cow disease, because he's got the serious crazy in the brains, which seems to be getting progressively worse. I am awaiting notification that my own Archie Bunker has been banned from the home of yet another relative for his general rudeness and otherwise unacceptable behavior. That's getting as routine as unpacking after a trip involving being a houseguest. Oh well....better that a swarm of locusts.
In order to keep his suitcase from being overweight, my man opted to not get me a Christmas gift. On Christmas Eve he thoughtfully informed me that since he had gotten me a fugly suit appropriate for an octogenarian twice my size back in October, that he had met his gift giving obligation. asshole. How about like, a candle or something?? anything. A tube of toothpaste even--wrap something and put it under the tree you giant scrotum.
I did manage to find material happiness by buying myself a cowboy hat which is quite fetching, as well as the iphone application called "ifart", the later making me immensely popular with the nephews.
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