So then, here it is: Mr. Bunker is off of work indefinitely on disability. Good Lord, what have I done??
Can you imagine the horror of your stupid husband "working from home"? NO. No, one thousand times no. Trust me on this. Please run to church, light a candle, splash yourself with some holy water and pray that if the man in the house quits working that he at least has the decency to leave the house every day. This is a disaster.
OK so maybe it's not quite as bad as say, a massive devastating earthquake, and it's not like my kids have been diagnosed with some awful condition leading to chronic unibrows or hammertoes, but it's pretty bad. This can also serve as my excuse for slacking lately on posts, as the dude's all up in my grill ALL DAY LONG, even when I'm at work where he's driving my sweet receptionist to distraction.
That is, when he's not out stealing napkins from Chipotle or relieving CVS of all clearance items. I can't even smuggle the stupid blue towels out of the house to send them out to someone who might actually like to have them.
The reason for the disability?
Back pain which has probably develped because of Salami, Salami, Salami, Gyros, Beef Sammichs, burritos, beer (imagine that fragrance!... no don't unless your feeling really guilty about something and feel the need to punish yourself) combined with the activity level of a mold colony. Lastly, this whole fiasco is made possible because he is an employee of the local government (duh) with benefits which permit this bullshit.
( he is not the hot mess pictured above, but I fear that that's where we're headed)
10 comments:
Hilarious!
I shoulda taken that gov't job.
D-day
Dear Mrs. Bunker,
I was fairly sure that wasn't Mr. Bunker but rather what David Koresh would have looked like without benefit of sex. Curiously, he also resembles the prophet of the Auum whatever shrine in Japan.
I looked this up in Machiavelli, but unfortunately he doesn't do marriages. I am afraid that volunteer service and access-control keys will be your only answer.
Good luck! Don't forget we are here for you.
Ann T.
I am not proud of this but this is all that is on TV at 3 a.m. when you are post-operative and can't do anything else but watch the boob tube. I've been watching those TV shows about freakishly morbidly obese people for whom they have to literally chainsaw walls down and reinforce shocks in vehicles to move to the hospital. Heaven forgive me, but I couldn't look away when the hospital techs (God love 'em for their fortitude and comapassion) were giving one of these folks their first "bath" in 3 years. (Gag reflex engaged and ready.) They all have a wacky co-dependent "loved ones" with abandonment issues and unlimited food stamps and KFC coupons who keep their subjects well fed and dependent upon them. You would never put up with that shit. So your husband is not in any immediate danger of assuming the proportions of the trainwreck in the photo above. That is so wrong on so many levels! And I bet it all started with that mullet and a build-it-yourself ham radio...
2 Words
Pulmonary Embolus
Frank
This story was on NPR just other day!
It was all about how the marital roles are being reversed, and more often than ever before husbands are no longer the bread-winners, often staying at home to raise the brood. The absolute best part of the story though, was when they played an audio clip of Archie Bunker discussing such bread winning relationships.
So don't be alarmed, sounds like this is perfectly normal.
Seriously though, so sorry to hear the news.
And man I need to really follow the family tradition of civic duty. What a cake walk!
Mrs. B...what next??? My heart goes out to you...I have gone to church, lit a candle, gone to mass, lit a candle, said a prayer in every language I even remotely know, drenched myself in holy water (on your behalf)...but, alas...methinks 'twas not enough...So, does your cellphone have internet access??? Keep on hanging on...and P.S. LISTEN TO YOUR BROTHER!
Thank you Ann T!
Linnnn...you need to turn that shit off and watch some quality TV like "Jersey Shore".
I watch "hoarders" which is a little too close to home sometimes; were not finding dead cats yet, but there is a bad smell in the garage.
Frank: I'm doing a hip replacement on the voodoo doll, that may do it.
Troy,you have quite a legacy here. better start eating some chili dogs, and none of that tofurkey shit.
Phoenix: keep spashin' baby. And, Mom always said big bro was the smart one.
Mrs. B., Actually, Mom always said you were BOTH danged smart...Brother just has the whole math thing going on...you know, laws of probability, etc, you have the chemistry/medicinal thing...which means, the two of you together SHOULD be able to come up with the perfect...umm...er...solution!
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