This morning I went and got my fuzzy teefs did. It was time, nome sayin'? Following the whitening procedure, the sweet perky little tech was blinded & dazzled by my magnificence, and all was good. Until.
Without any type of appropriate warning she says 48 hours, no coffee, no chocolate. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE. What does that leave??? heroin?!? Yes, I quit caffeine (mostly) when I had one in the oven, but I was mentally prepared for that.
In the blink of an eye, she went from perky and sweet to a broke down raggedy truck stop whore maggoty cunting running sore.
By noon I was could hardly focus through my bloody hurting eyes to see who I should be bitching at. By one o'clock I would have slurped tepid instant Folgers out of the toilet. At 1:12 I went to Starbucks and restored normalcy to my world. I am a helpless junkie.
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