Not THAT kind of pearl necklace, filthy perverts.Archie & I attended our annual charity event when we get dressed up and go hobnob with some fancy fancies (a similar version of THE SUIT was in attendance). Asshole forgot to tell me we'd be attending until the day before, hence fanning the flames of my generally churlish demeanor.
Mr. Bunker usually gets drunk and hits the silent auction to bid on a bunch of stupid shit which I usually secretly donate back to the charity. His social graces are sadly lacking, and he is typically quite offensive doing things like pushing away his dessert, looking at a chubby tablemate and saying "I don't want to end up like you!" He is also wont to giving unsolicited advice as in the case of a lactating woman with a infant at home who he reassured "not to worry that you'll probably get your figure back when you quit nursing"; why not just greet her with a good 'ol titty twister?? That would be less painful.
This time there were some nice jooories (thank you, Real Houswives of Atlanta) available for auction. Wanker was trying to get back in my good graces, at least a tiny bit because he probably feared that he would otherwise be getting disemboweled with my fork. The drunken foo proceeded the buy me this very nice set of pearls that are not the kind you find in Claire's Boutique. This largess combined with 2 glasses of plonk made me feel a bit more charitable toward him, I even allowed him to speak to me.
That is, until evening's end when he nudged me and said something along the lines of "hey hon, you got your credit card, I'm a little short". But anyway, I still got the goods and I am confident that they will look stunning on my decollete.
8 comments:
Holy Shit! Talk about hairy areolas!!
yea, momma needs a little waxin'
Mrs. B, I looked in my official on-line crossword puzzle dictionary for the term decollete and, much to my dismay, was unsuccessful. I then did a reverse look up for the term fuzzy coconuts and was rewarded with the term decollete. The miracles of modern technology.
BTW if waxin'is out of the question, a little bleach might go a long way. That way the sofa might match the drapes.
LMAO CAPT! Well said!
That looks like some guys "pumped up" butt cheeks! eww so disturbing, Edith, that you Could find this picture anywhere! But nice pearls!
Capt, you must get a new crossword dictionary! And you got somethin against the au natural womyn? Maybe YOU need to go to the sensitivity class.
This pic has great screen saver potential Gia, right up there with Vlad the Impaler.
OH God. I'd rather look at furry mams than Vlad again.....
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