So much excitement at the Bunker home...It was a dark and stormy night. We were all tucked in tight, children angelic and sweet, Mr. Bunker snoring like a wild boar having a seizure and scratching away at his.. well, never mind that. Anyway, he suddenly sits straight up in bed and says something like "Edith, what the hell are you doing down there?" I reply something like "I'm next to you in bed, bonehead".
"Someone's downstairs!" hisses Archie. The dog's hackles are up and he's doing his growl as best as a little pussy poodle dog can do. Archie gets up and starts down the stairs and says yes, someone is defiantly down there, "call the police Edith! Now! 911!! get the ball bat! bring me some pants!"
I do the 911 call and creep down the stairs where Archie is holding the bathroom door shut, and whispering "someone's in there!" I too hear noises apparently originating from the bathroom.
Soon 6 policemen show up, lights flashing, (2 cute, one smelling a little garlicky) running, flashlights, high drama. I meet them out front decked out in my sizzlin' hot wife beater and pink frog jammie pants and bravely lead them up the stairs to the haunted crapper. The door's still shut, it sort of sounds like there's water running?
The garlicky poe-leece pounds on the door and says "WHO'S IN THERE?" No answer. Guns drawn, 2 of them open the door, rush into the bathroom and interrupt a shitfaced drunk beer-calendar model girl taking a shower. Nekid. In MY bathroom.
She was so tanked that she just kind of stood there grinning and weaving all BARE ASS NAKED while the entire group (which had by then grown to 8 policemen) stood and stared. Finally someone asked her who she was, and how she had gotten into our house; hell if she knew! "Candie! I'm Candie!" was all we got.
"Do you know Justin?" Archie finally asks. "Ohhh yea, Justin!!" slurs Miss Budweiser.
Justin is our basement tenant who's some kind of money selling finance guy who was dating Jessica The Model (not the kind you'd see on a runway in Paris) until the markets tanked and she departed.
Apparently the fetching Miss Candie The Model (the kind that stands next to a beer tank in a nightclub) was helping him ease his Jessica pain. Somehow she became so disoriented that she climbed through a storage area, came up our back stairs, climbed through a window maybe having a little potty woopsie on the way, perhaps explaining why she started in her ablutions while fully clothed. I know this because I found her soaking wet clothing in the sink in a few short hours upon sunrise.
Being a gracious hostess, I got her a robe, roused Justin to come get her, saw the police force out, laundered her clothing (her top is pictured above), gave her some Advil and went back to bed. I guess we need to re-think the alarm system.
22 comments:
Oh my!! lots of excitement there! Sorry I laughed so long.. hear this stuff all night at work so I can definitly picture it! The adrenalin rush is incredible, heh? big let down!! But wait, Archie was brave?? Wow, impressive!! Alarm system no worky? Maybe you need to wire the storage area and the windows?? At least it wasnt a bad guy with a loaded weapon!
When did Archie grow a sack??? And the dog was totally on that shit. They can be as good as if not better than an alarm system. Maybe you should get one with a little substance to it. Like a Rotty or Lab or something.
I <3 a hot cop.
Hell no,it wasn't bravery, he was just afraid someone was going to touch his shit. Yes, the dog is the hero in this story. And the adrenaline rush had me jumping out of my skin, no way could I get back to sleep.
Gia, your job must be VERY interesting.
Yeah, I've been there and done Gia's job...she'll tell you how interesting it is when you get calls at 4:38am when you answer the phone:
"911 do you need police, fire or medical rescue?"
-Uh, no, can you tell me the hours of Walt Disney World today?
-Yeah, I need a cop to come over here right now and tell my kid to go to bed.
-No I dont need no Cop!!! I need the number to Wongs Takeout!
-My power just went out, can you give me the exact correct time.
I SHIT YOU NOT. Tell her Gia.
Oh yeah,,, but you forgot the "my neighbors in her backyard nekkid and I can see her with my binoculars from my bathroom window.."
the " someone threw a mcdonalds cup on my lawn and the ice is still cold....
Yeah.. then in the middle of these stoopid calls a real one comes in and WHAM>>>>> adrenaline rush like theres no tomorrow!! Yeah and I <3 a hot cop too....from some other dept!!
Daaaaaamn Mrs. B, Miss Skank is lucky you guys didn't get baseball bat scared on her dirty self!!
Great story.
send the drunk over to my house...I know what to do with her
i am giving this testimony cos l am happy
My name is mrs. Deborah Collins from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in December this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpospelltemple@yahoo.com
Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you.
please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..
What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpospelltemple@yahoo.com
deborah
i am giving this testimony cos l am happy My name is mrs. Deborah Collins from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in April 28th this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com
sarah
My Name is sarah.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my boyfriend back and he means so much to me..The boy i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another woman..,When i called him he never picked my calls,he deleted me on his facebook and he changed his facebook status from married to Single...when i went to his place of work he told his boss he never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my boyfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Us the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is wednesday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on wednesday and apologies for all he had done ..he said,he never knew what he was doing and his sudden behavior was not intentional and he promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my boyfriend called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its saturday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com.Once Again His Email Address Is: uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com
Santana Valdez Says
i am giving this testimony cos l am happy
My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... atakpotemble@yahoo.com please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay...What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com
hello my name is blessing and am very happy i want to post on this forum on how a great spell caster helped me out his name is dr uzaall of uzaallpowerfulspelltample@gmail.com i know there are women like me out there who are experiencing this kind of problem i am here to tell you to search no further as the answer is here if ther are up to five spellcasters like him this world would be a better place, my husband with whom i have been married for six years with two kids left me and my kids and we were really suffering i was running up and down i contacted many spell casters until a friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster called dr uzaall of uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com i contacted and he told me things that made me surprised and he told me sincerely that he can cast a spell that will work in less than three days he casted the spell on tuesday and by wednesday my husband came back to me i will continue to speak of him to the world as he treat everybody like his child,, he told me he can also cast love spell, lotto spells, contract winning spell, promotion in office spell, and so on so contact him now on his email uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com hope he help you out too,, thank you great father once again here is his mail uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com..
i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn't believe in all those things… then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address olotospellhome@yahoo.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is olotospellhome@yahoo.com
i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn't believe in all those things… then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address olotospellhome@yahoo.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is olotospellhome@yahoo.com
Hello am ruth banner I want to thank the great dr abubakar of abubakarspelltemple@gmail.com he is a very good and reliable spell caster if there are people like him the eorld would be a better place he saved my 10years marraige my husband john left me for a little girl leaving our kids and I with nothing I tried many things until I heard of dr abubakar of abubakarspelltemple@gmail.com I contacted but I had my doubts he told me not to worry that everything will be okay and he kept to his word I want to tell him thank you and I want you to contact him too with his mail abubakarspelltemple@gmail.com he will help you too
DR LOVE HELP ME GET MY EX BACK
Thanks God i met Dr Love to be my savior in my relationship Problem I was reading about an article in net stated that Dr love helping people improving marriage life and get there ex back so i request DR LOVE for help me solve my problem because Actually i had break up with my boyfriend it has been 3 month due to someone we had misunderstanding with him but still i tried to contact him but he did not revert and neither responding back. i love him alot and he also our relationship was more than 2 years but all of a sudden why he is reacting like this i could not understand until Dr Love help me bring him back to me between 48hrs and things change better in my life , thanks to Dr Love drlovespellcastersolution@gmail.com , +2348038096203
warm regards,
Rebecca from United Kingdom
The spell caster who helped me to get my lover back,(igberasespelltemple@yahoo.com) I looked so surprised,cried out loudly,wiped day and night, have sleepless night severally, thinking that i have lost Avila Rudy my lover, my boyfriend,my soul mate,forever after 2years of Relationship, but it all come to me as a dream that i was still able to be with him and he is with me for good, for love, for care,and i am so happy, and i thank the powerful spell caster who helped me out in getting and achieving these great joy and happiness,Dr Igberase of igberasespelltemple@yahoo.com,indeed Dr you are powerful,although i doubted these at first stage but you still make it real to me and i am happy today and i say thanks be to you and i promised to always share your good and how powerful you are around the world and in the internet,Dr Igberase is a good and helping spell caster who help to get Ex lover or lost Husband, if you need a spell caster that can help you with your lost lovers Kindly email Dr Igberase on his email.(igberasespelltemple@yahoo.com) thanks so much Dr for your help and wonderful thing you have done for me,yours Daughter, Alicia Weaver From Alabama United State Of America
My name is Elizabeth Taylor from UK. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR ABUBAKAR (drabubakarlovespell@gmail.com) he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 4years. I really loved him, but his family was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told DR ABUBAKAR what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 8 days when i returned to UK, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is drabubakarlovespell@gmail.com
My name is Elizabeth Taylor from UK. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR ABUBAKAR (drabubakarlovespell@gmail.com) he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 4years. I really loved him, but his family was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told DR ABUBAKAR what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 8 days when i returned to UK, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is drabubakarlovespell@gmail.com
I am Victoria, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.ATILA for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 4 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.ATILA released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.ATILA for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. that is his email address atilahealinghome@yahoo.com
I am Victoria, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.ATILA for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 4 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.ATILA released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.ATILA for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. that is his email address atilahealinghome@yahoo.com
i want to thank Dr Usunorbu of drusunorbuspellhome@gmail.com for making me happy in getting my ex lover back after broken up with me last month,i contacted this spell Dr for help and his work was guarantee that i was going to get my ex lover back after 24 hours, although i doubted his word but i decided to give it a try by cooperating with his terms, i did not only get back my ex lover after the spell, but i was also promoted in my place of work, i thank this powerful and trust dr who helped me found joy in my relationship, and me and my ex who is now my lover again is getting married on the 6th of next month, i am so happy that atleast i am with my lover again after all the pains and stress i being through when he first broke with me, i thank Dr Usunorbu (drusunorbuspellhome@gmail.com) i am so so happy i love my lover so much that i was almost end my life when he told me that it was over between both of us, but i thank the spell caster send by God in heaven to help his people, i am grateful Dr Usunorbu i am proud to know these spell Dr i am happy that he help me with my problems, for making my life see joy and happiness again, i am happy for his kindness, i am so happy,so i decided to share my store on the net so that people will see the good which Dr Usunorbu of (drusunorbuspellhome@gmail.com) has done for me in my life, and if you are out there passing through any condition, or having bad time with your lover,or your lover has broke up with you, do not think than to contact these same spell caster on his email address(drusunorbuspellhome@gmail.com) and you will consider your problem solve. Thanks Dr Usunorbu and i pray you will live long forever because you are so kind and powerful, this is my story from Lydia Claire From Texas United State Of America
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