Recap of Visit Home

Somehow our high school reunion was at the crappy VFW hall while our rivals from the other side of town gathered at the country club. It's probably to make up for their feeling of inadequacy from getting an ass-kicking in basketball all those years ago; alternatively, maybe we are from the wrong side of the tracks.
The geezers gave us some dirty side-eye looks for taking over bingo night, but they'll recover. Or possibly they won't.

Mr. Bunker got up from his death bed to accompany me and managed to look relatively dapper (ass crack not showing) for the big event. Fortunately he was still feeling poorly enough that he didn't start any fights, especially since My 8th grade Harvest Moon Dance date, Larry, was there and looking pretty good. It turns out I SHOULD HAVE JUST MARRIED HIM. Who knew?

The football team boys were fat, bald & drunk, the homecoming queen is twice divorced and looked a little rough. The valedictorian is a single mother of 5 with a Madagascar hissing cockroach as a pet. The queen of potheads has offspring nobody can keep track of and looks like she may be in a family way again; let her keep the drugs, someone ought to confiscate that uterus; lots of food stamps dedicated to feeding that bunch.
My vocation caused a bit of a stir, that is until everyone figured out that I can only write for controlled substances in the state in which I'm licensed. I felt really popular for a quick minute.

The really popular girl stayed true to form and snubbed me, but she'll probably have to pay attention to me if I go into the mall where she's selling shoes, OR maybe she could snub me there and I then would do that whole "Pretty Woman" scene and bawl to anyone that gives a shit "all this money and no shoes! waaboohowaaahhh" this could turn out to be good.

That is a quick summary of my visit with former classmates, the really interesting stuff is all about my family though--in laws, not a lot of branches on that family tree. Family dirty laundry, comin' right up!