Paradise

There are some days when I just want to shave my head til it's bald and then go beat the shit out of an inanimate object with an umbrella. That is precisely what I would do right now, except I forgot my umbrella (that being one of the aggravating factors for my foul mood, as it continues to piss rain). I've considered shanking a coworker with my letter opener, stealing the change from the blind beggar at the "L" stop (who does have a cell phone), or setting fire to some of Archie Nutsack Bunker's twatty treasures; unfortunately, each of these options has shortcomings (prison, sin, sanitarium, intervention, etc.).

Why Why Why this extreme foulness? Mostly because Mr. Bunker has been kicked out of his workplace for 3 days on account of being a general asshole to members of the public, which frees him up to be an asshole elsewhere, mostly around me. Also I can't sleep at night because of his bookkeeping system bleeding into my life. To avoid the extreme measures mentioned above, I am trying very hard to focus on the positives. Let's see...
All loved ones alive and well.
Absence of obvious pestilence.
Nothing is itching.
Running water and heat in my home.
My hair is looking good today! (unless my assistant is just fucking with me, which could be the case).
Lil Rounds will surely get voted off American Idol this week!
dat's all I got.