The recyclist

HONEST TO GOD this is what happens when Archie Bunker drives though an alley. And all this shit is VERY VERY important, do not event give one nanosecond's thought to putting that crap back in the dumpster where it belongs.
Then he brings this steaming pile of excrement home and presents to me like it's the crown jewels for the queen of the landfill universe.
He's usually about as sedentary as a hedge of shrubbery, but if I try to sneak any little busted chair part to the trash he can suddenly move faster than dirty gossip. In fact, I threw my cat in tub when I was 9 and it never moved as fast as Archie Bunker if he thinks you're messing with his garbage heap. Shee-at bee-otch.