A Star is Born/ Hoarding update

Suddenly Hollywood loves a hoarder. If you doubt this, please consult your TV listings and tune in to "Hoarders" and "Intervention". Between Mr. Bunker and his sibs, we have enough craziness for an entire mini-series; I think I ought to be looking for an agent.
We could probably even get some endorsements, like maybe The Container Store, eBay, Zoloft, Streets & Sanitation; probably even the Taliban; they're always on the lookout for the perfect hideout, no?

Pictured above is our garage, into which a car has not fit for the past 4 years. I am aware that many sort-of-normal people fill their garages up with junk, hence displacing the vehicle to the driveway or street, but this strategy does not work for me. Being an urbanite I don't really have a driveway, and street parking is not a viable option. Renting a nearby garage spot runs about $250.00 per month.

Of course if you're batshit crazy, it makes perfect sense to pay that kind of money so that you may house moldy throw pillows and busted baskets from a clearance table, because these are potentially of GREAT VALUE. Alternatively, some of this treasure could be donated to a needy person who might smell worse than the pillow, and that same needy person would also probably be very thankful for a busted-up basket to help organize the shopping cart in which most of their personal belongings are kept.

Maybe he's not a giant CRAZY ASSHOLE after all, it could be that he's a humanitarian, just trying to help his fellow children of the LORD (help me). He also provides the neighborhood wags with some nice gossip material. The busy-bodies may disparage my garage when they tire of yammering about how so-and-so was spotted feeding her vulnerable offspring processed food instead of organic barley water. See, my thoughtful husband is providing this nice diversion to help the beleaguered working moms in the 'hood, he's a SAINT!

AND if the shit that you're tripping over is a valuable antique, then it's not really hoarding, it's just great wisdom and a good eye for value.

For an example, if you see that bandaids are on the clearance table for a good price, why buy just one box when you could buy fifty boxes? WTF am I going to do with FIFTY BOXES of band aids?? Maybe I can create a beautiful sculpture, in which the bandaids will support and seamlessly connect the 35 fucking containers of stale cotton candy which were also on the clearance table.

Should I drink, cry or shoot?? I just don't know.


Cotton Candy:
On the brighter side, my little fall garden is looking very cute. I need to do a little bit more planting because if Archie sees those bare spots, he'll probably try to stack some asbestos tile or store a rebuilt lawnmower engine out there.