Toxins

So I'm getting ready to scrub for my case, when the nurse tells me the pt's mom is wiggin' out in the family waiting area, she apparently feels like we're rushing her daughter (who is 29) into the procedure. Never mind that I have had 2 pre-op visits with the daughter, spending the better part of that time talking her out of unnecessary procedures.

Out I went out to talk to mom (while the pt was on the table--too late to cancel) who wanted to talk about natural and organic treatments, as she is convinced that the placement of some "medical device" during a bladder procedure 10 years ago is responsible for her subsequent development of.......(drumroll).......Fibromyalgia!!

"Couldn't we use a laser?" she wants to know.

 What is so fucking magical about lasers, anyway? Do we just point the magic beam at the offending area, then poof, all better now?? no, there is not a laser procedure alternative, and yes there will be absorbable suture and hardware.
"Are we leaving anything in her pristine girl that could leach toxins?" she HATES toxins. toxins, blah blah blah toxins. Are her meridians out of balance? could acupuncture correct the problem?

well ma'am, I do generally entertain these questions with great patience, but baby girl's asleep on the table right now, so let's shit or get of the pot, and girlfriend did sign her consent form (twice, here and in the office) so can I go now?

And the grand finale for this early morning saga: mama was so dang crazed with worry about meridians and toxins, she forgot her lighter, can I help her out cause she's gotta go smoke now. Let's just don't judge, and remember that tobacco is natural, so it can't be bad for you.