The root of all evil

Below is my work product for today. I won't win any awards, but then again I won't go on a shooting spree either.

Why is there a "fee negotiation" department when I have already bent over to agree to their shitty contract?

My official position statement for insurance carriers:


February 8, 2008

Multiplan’s fee Negotiation Department
Phone 866-568-2928
Fax: (888) 674-3691

To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for your kind offer to pay me in a timely fashion if I agree to accept about half of what you owe me; however I would prefer to wait the extra 10 days and get paid the full amount.

I’m sure that because of this ridiculous expectation of mine (to get paid in full in a timely fashion for services provided) that my claim will now be denied for obscure reasons that could be discovered only if one of my hourly staff spends several hours on the phone. This will consist of being bounced around between automated menus to dipshits in Bangalore that couldn’t find their ass with both hands and a map. Meanwhile my new claims pile up and the phone rings unanswered because we’re on hold with you.

After many hours of frustration making my employee want to quit, (even though they will still be getting paid) I will probably have to send you clinical information to support my claim which will have to be sent at least 3 times before anyone will admit to having received it. Then someone who feels important because she’s a middle manager will return from her smoke break and say, ok, resubmit the claim.

Then you’ll deny the claim because it was not filed in a timely fashion.

So to avoid this entire exercise in futility, I’m signing this sheet and selling my soul. I’d just like to say fuck you. YOU are the Great Satan.


Thank you,

Hapless Provider