Graduations, weddings, birfdays, gardening, summer camps, wardrobe changes, insect bites, poison ivy, school's out, fishing trips, family visits to the hillbilly kinfolk, all contingent on shaking the money maker to finance so much activity. I sat down with my calendar, stared for a while, and walked away feeling like I've been slapped on both sides of the head.
So much to cram into a few short months.
The fishing trip is the most exciting prospect, and I'm pretty sure I can piggyback it with a Seattle conference and call it business travel. Of course I'll have to round up my psychic, my brow tweezer, my shrink, my chakra fluffer and my sherpa because I don't go anywhere without them; who does, really?
OK, I admit that my inspiration for the last paragraph came from eavesdropping on the parents that one encounters at the local skating rink. This particular rink offers lessons to the many young, academically gifted (whether they want to be or not), all-round completely talented, beautiful and privileged young girls in preparation for their upcoming eating disorders. The mother involved in said conversation was distraught about how many nannies she could take on the European vacation; just one for the twins and the french tutor? or both twin nannies? Oh the painful dilemmas. If there is going to be casting for "The Real Housewives of Chicago" I would recommend they start their search at the skating rink or the nearby dance studio where the moms can also participate in the recital. What is up with all those giganto lips anyway? Do they have to plump up everything so that their geriatric husbands can find them?
bitchy catty me. sorry.
9 comments:
I here ya Edith, if it wasn't for the BP thing I'd have already had to spend a long weekend down on the Redneck Riviera...
and your right about the extravagance of taking Nannies to Europe...Ones entirely adequate.
and I don't know what it is, but I LIKE the fat lip look, can't get Mrs. D to go for Botox so I just slip a Yellowjacket into her can of Diet Coke...
and don't forget about your Cubs and White Sox....HAHA what a Burn........
Frank
Yea, ok gloat about baseball while you enjoy a Trashers game. Thrashers I mean. They play hockey, right?
What is this "Hockey" of which you speak?? Oh! must have something to do with this "World Cup" all the Mexicans are so excited about, seriously, I thought the Muslim-in-Chief had granted Amnesty when I made my weekly trip to Home Depot(the Parking Lot, not the Store)this morning...
Frank
Dear Mrs. Bunker,
As a former retailer, i know these horrible women quite well. They are always coming in on their free time to tell me their time is worth something. I also get catty and bitchy on occasion, especially when the kick they received from their loving spouse in the morning is transmitted to me. I have developed an entire alternate meaning code for the socially-acceptable phrases.
For instance: Thank you for shopping here. We hope to you come back soon" means "get the lead out, beeyotch."
As long as the meaning is consistent to the phrase, the look and emphases of sincerity.
They are miserable, tiny, involved in the sport of dressage, but they are missing the front end of their horse.
As for the sherpa fluffer, there's no telling what hubby needs these days.
Sincerely, and obscenely,
Ann T.
Dont forget the Disney trip!! The kids are due!!!! You'd better tell me the dates too. =)
Chakra fluffers...Know a good one?
Holy shit-a-rama you provoked Ann there.
I am so proud of both of you!
Dear Mrs. Bunker and Linnnn,
Oops.
Ann T.
Uh, Frank isn't that how the parking lot at Home Depot always looks, amnesty or no?
And I'm learning to like the "Footie" (see this months cover of Vanity Fair magazine) and it turns out I'm a Hawks fan for the day, I'm cheap like that.
Ann T: retail makes you strong. I used to work at a restaurant serving the" Ladies who Lunch" and it's shocking that it didn't land me in prison.
Peedee: you will be the first to know in the event of another Disney trip, particularly since we already did one trip together....sort of?
Linnnn: It is indeed hard to find a good chakra fluffer! It's even neglected by Craigs list. shocking.
what am i supposed to read now that you write nothing?
dr. p.a.
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