Suppose you go for a semi-long run in some shitty shoes that are a little past their prime and you mangle your toenails all to hell. What are you going to do, sacrifice the whole sandal season??? I hardly think so. Since Chicago's sandal season is only like 2 weeks long, we can't trifle with limitations.
So if cosmetics are meant to enhance our natural beauty, drain the blisters, glue those bitches back on, and work with your natural palette.
Yes my toes are long and bony. I can swing through the trees and pick up the soap.
52 comments:
Dear Mrs. Bunker,
I like the blues.
I like the shoes.
I'm wearing something that combines the best of orange, hot pink, and screaming red at the moment. I like to think the $4.99 flip flops adds to the tawdry aspect. They are of course an entirely different, more purple shade of pink altogether.
Ann T.
Hey Edith, 1979 called, she wants her shoes back...
Ever drained a Subungual Hematoma with a paper clip and a Zippo lighter?? Of course you have, your a surgeon.
I don't think I've seen Mrs. D's natural nails ummm like ever, ditto with the hair color.
Long/Bony beats Short/Stubby any day...
Frank
Me too. It's my second toe on my left foot. Thought about borrowing my niece's purple nail polish. I'm long armed, long legged, long fingered, too (5'9"). Can pick up pens, not so sure about the soap.
-SCRN
Ann T.: pictures please. Tawdry is admirable.
Frank: Yank those acid wash jeans outta your crack and try to appreciate items of intrinsic beauty (not the monkey toes). And yes, of course I've done the paper clip method, but here in the north we favor the Bic lighter. There was one that squirted so high it go in my hair and on my dish towels; that being because the procedure was performed in my kitchen. Secondary salmonella infx is an added benefit of kitchen surgery, strengthens the character.
Edith, I love the bruise color for toenails! Who doesnt have at least one black toenail, right? And the shoes, are back in style, so you could most likely get one more season out of them regardless what Frank says.
Edith, my toes are damn near the same color!! My new favorite that you have to check out.....
Yoga-ta Get This Blue!
Its an OPI color.
Monkey toes rock. Just sayin. =)
SCRN, me, 2nd toe right foot. That combined with a unibrow means you'll be rich and famous, according to Mrs. DeFarcas, my third grade teacher. To bad I missed out on the unibrow.
PD: Essie here. I can't remember the name, might have "mourge" in it somewhere though. Excellent choice, Cheers to us.
Gia, when we start taking fashion advice from Frank we start wearing rubberized buttless chaps accessorized with automatic weapons. maybe next year.
Becareful of Frank ...he is seriously off, something must have happened either in the war or when he was attending Medical school, do you think is was used as a "test" for all unknown drugs etc?????he's funny sometimes but ODD! Love your toes and shoes. Pat
I think he got dropped on his head early in life. I believe that Mrs. D. keeps him firmly in check in real life. That being said, he's not going to get an invite to my daughters birthday party.
Dr. Drackman has a foot fetish.
AMONG OTHER THINGS...... PAT
Well Sugar your toes look delightful to me!!
Whats up with that Chainsaw? Damn a hot chick with a chainsaw.... that is good action right there. I see you have my girl PD as a commenter, I don't know if that is good or bad!
She found YOU Sage thru me!! And you know you LOVE my comments. ;)
PD: hehehe keep sending hot chicks, chainsaw optional!
Hey c'mon, stop sporting the porn on your site! Some people have a foot fetish, ya know!
BZ
Bish!!! Why you gotta make me beg for a post???
=)
YOO HOO WHERE ARE YOU? WE ALL MISS YOU.......PAT
Great toes...and the prehensile tail is cute, too.
Dear Mrs. Bunker,
I am writing your post for you. Here goes:
I no longer have part ownership in a Chainsaw Emporium/ the Tabernacle/ Illinois sod / hell.
My manicurist/ garden troll / husband/ redheaded cross-dressing associate has rendered me speechless/nauseated/ perplexed/ ballistic.
I recently used a shoe to: impale someone/ squash a bug/ audition for housewives of Chicago/ lure Stedman from Oprah.
The last time I attended a temperance meeting/ baby shower/ harpsichord concert I enjoyed drinking the Kool-Aid / a full diaper/ playing the Kazoo.
Truth to tell, darling Mrs. Bunker, we miss you much. The very most important thing though, is that we wish you well.
Hang in, sister. I can wait. We are not your priority today.
xoxo
Ann T.
Dear Edith,
(beauty adviser for the masses)
I am writing because the 4th of July weekend is coming and I am unable to figure out what colors I should wear to best fit the invitations that have come my way.
Please advise!!!!
-SCRN
Chill Out Y'all
Edith's Fine, its Just That Time of the Month...
NOWHATI"MSAYIN!?!?!?!?!?!?
Trust me, I live with 3 XX's, its Always "That Time of the Month" in my House.
And don't wanta Dish on my Girl Edith, but I know more Fashion Stuff in my Little Toe than she knows in her Gigantic Big Surgeon Head...
SCRN: No "Mom" jeans, Crocs, Flip Flops, Boots with the Fur, Applebottom Jeans, basically anything your daughter would wear.
Best thing is check out MY Blog,
Drackies.blogspot.com.
See what Sara's wearin???
Wear that.
Frank
The day anyone takes beauty tips from Frank Drackman......good luck all. j/k Frank. Well not really but yeah.
See what your doin Edith????? Causing all sortsa weird shifts in the universe and shit.
CA-Maaa Already!!
Frank, you were supposed to tell me to wear red, white or blue??????
-SCRN
Alright Edith, its been a month, you can't use that "it's that time of the Month" excuse anymore...
I'm guessin Mr. Bunkers sleepin with the fishes at the bottom of Lake Michigan...
Frank
Yeah Edith, do I have to drive down and do a well-being check on your behind?
SCRN
Edith....Please let all you blog buddies know if your alright.....I for one am going crazy my imagination is running wild, and it's not good for me, seeing how I'm old and a gold star worrier! pat (the towel lady)
Has anybody seen Edith???? can somebody find her and see if she is okay? I'm a worrying like crazy....Ann can you find out if she is okay? PLEASE.....towel lady
I think the next time we see Edith will be on one of those "Dateline NBC" Episodes*"
Frank
*"You know, that addicting show where they trap normal hardworking Joes tryin to hook up with 12 year old Girls, or the long suffering woman surgeon who walls up her slob husband like in that Edgar Allen Poe story"
Mrs B--I know your life is nuts right now (you're in my thoughts, sending you energy)...your disciples, well, we're all going crazy...perhaps, in your FREE time (LOL), you could pre-write a whole bunch of blogs, then have one of your faithful assistants, upload them from time to time...Or something...Damn lady, I'm jonesing for some Mrs. B vibe...
There once was a woman from Chicago
who maintained this fabulous blog (o)
one day she disappeared
her groupies were all afeared
that she'd fired up the old chainsaw
opened a few arteries and veins (aw)
Mrs B! Mrs B! The crowd loudly cried
Contact us! Speak to us! We'll all be your alibi!
OK Y'all I gotta confess
"Mrs. Bunker" is just a character I made up, sorta like how I'd have turned out if I'd been born with 2 "X" Chromosomes instead of just the one.
And keeping up TWO blogs is just too much for one hot dude.
So if y'all want some Pulitz Prize winning blogging, check out "Frankies Hideout"
Frank/Edith
::pukes:: at that thought Frank. =/
Ok The Whale......tell us she's ok at least. Your the big brother. You would know.
please. =)
okay Frank do what Peedee says!! we need to know! Pat
Edith,
Aha! It just dawned on me where you might be! If I am right you'll be gone just a little while longer. Sure makes sense, and thats all I'm gonna say groupies.
-SCRN
SCRN, spill it!!!!!!!!!!! Caaa-maaaa!!!! Tell us.
CME's?? Disney?? shit, I cant think. Studying for oral boards??
SCRN Shame on you it's not nice to make us all go crazy with worry.......Pat
Hint:
"Archie Bunker Sleeps with the Fishes"
Hope she used enough concrete, Lake Michigans deep, but a decomposing body generates alot of bouyancy...
Frank
Knowing Edith (like I do, Ha) I figure she's probably had to have her bladder sutured or she'd surely spill. So that means she's decided best not to chat right now. Thinking about it, she might not share, period. We'll just have to leave it up to her. If it is what I think it is, we've sort of had something in common for a while.
-SCRN
Edith is doing fine. She's just got a lot going on right now. Circus is in town and they needed the prehensile toes in the freak show. Archie's not at the bottom of Lake Michigan (yet). But it still can't be ruled out completely. I'm not sure when Edith will be able to post another, but she really is ok. Keep her in your thoughts. I'll make sure that if she doesn't post, to add a periodic "Edith's still alive" comment.
Bless ur heart Big Brother!!!!!!!
Thank you!! Please tell her I and I'm sure everyone else here (except maybe Frank) hopes all is well and we miss herrrrrrrrrr!!
::doing the happy dance::
=)
Thanks for the update Whale I've been sooooooo worried. Pat the towel lady
I just realized something....I really don't like the shoes P!nk is wearing in that header pic.
Frank, you giving fashion advice again??
Hang tough Edith.
-SCRN
"This too shall pass" I check on your blog everyday,,,,hope your back soon. Pat
edif,
don't you luv us anymore?
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Just a quick update. Edith is going through a long awaited, much anticipated difficult life change for the better. No it's not menopause, nor does it involve surgery. Although a surgical Archie-ectomy would certainly make life easier. She doesn't have internet access right now and even if she did, she's got a hell of a lot on her plate. She's doing ok and getting even better. Hopefully she'll be back blogging away about my wonderful neice and nephew soon. Intentionally vague comment--read into it what you will.
Homeopathic medicine is definitely a normal type of healing!
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Il semble que vous soyez un expert dans ce domaine, vos remarques sont tres interessantes, merci.
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okay Frank do what Peedee says!! we need to know! Pat
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