Holiday Recap

This is an in-law who has just successfully completed her diet. We're so proud! Soon she'll be able to shop somewhere besides the big girl store.

My hometown is in the heart of middle America, where there are an astonishing number of extra large people. I believe that their wide bottoms are necessary to balance out their skinny little minds. Most of these individuals wear stretch pants and hit the the Wal Mart's at least 3 times a week. I know this because I spent a bit of time at the Wal Mart's myself this visit (guns and ammo, ya know).

The first time I went Wal Marting was when I had just arrived in town, and I was still wearing my fuzzy driving slippers. My original intent was to change into my boots before commencing to shop, but then I saw the people in the parking lot. Most of them appeared to be in some type of sleep wear, and some were eating fried chicken; therefore I opted to shop in my slippers. It felt a little weird, but most of the attention I generated was more of the pitying type for my presumed eating disorder than for my choice of shoes. Anyway, everyone was real real nice! I gotta go there more, luv that place.

Next is a picture of the friggin awful desert that someone brought to dinner. She brings this same slop every year and thinks it is her highly anticipated duty. She had to get up a 5am to start cooking! It wasn't completed til 4pm! she was so exhausted from it's fabrication that she could only collapse and rest when she got to the house. It's some kind of pecan mess which tastes like burnt toast with spoiled humus all dipped in a bucket of snot. Every year we all admire it and pretend to eat some. Just one of our little traditions, ins't it sweet?
I guess it's better than getting sloppy drunk and making rude revelations about ourselves and others, but that might even be fun to try once. I'd say: (slurring)"Archie Bunker, you asshole, I'm a lezzie! I'm gunna get a crew cut and a tattoo and try to date Lindsey Lohan! I LOVE her! Pass the smokes asshole. You're an asshole! Also, I don't want your dead mothers old makeup, it's creepy you Anthony Perkins weirdo! fuck off! you're an asshole!". yea, I know I said "your an asshole" a lot, but drunks do tend to repeat themselves.