Elvis is Alive and 5Ks suck

Everything about 5K races is fun except for the running part. It doesn't even matter if I'm in shape or not. Even if I'm in the midst of marathon training, a 5K usually makes me want to quit all running forever.

I get sucked in the same way every time; it's a nice summer evening, ONLY 3 miles, fun party afterwords usually with enough food to get me out of cooking dinner, sounds like fun. Then I always end up going out a little too fast after not having warmed-up at all, then I'm committed to my pace because the "slow down" option never occurs to me, so it's either carry on or quit (never).

Every time I run this distance I become convinced that someone forgot to put up the 2 mile marker, because mile 2 always seems so damn long. I have this same thought EVERY TIME. Then finally I finish and say, "well I'm never doing one of those again". And here I am, getting ready for the next one.

Thanks FK! this was all so you could get out of your shitty Viagra Triangle date with me along chaperoning. I am a dedicated friend. Next year you're dressing up like Elvis, I get to be Priscilla. And I'm not running. I'm walk/jogging at a pace slow enough that I don't spill my beer. How I hate those bitchy little 5ks.

And of course I can't forget the support from the sidelines. Yes, Nick was there, channeling The King, waiting for the peanut butter and banana sandwiches and beer tickets. If a regular decent person wanted to insult someone and sat around all day thinking of mean things to say, they could probably not come up with the remarks that slide effortlessly from my own king.
to me upon finishing :

"There were at least 20 women that finished before you, and one of them was a little chubby. I guess you're just getting old"

to FK who has been running for less than 2 years, and rarely in a competitive setting:
"Oh well at least you finished!"

All this from a fairly fat man who can't negotiate a staircase without getting winded. Who defiantly is not cleaning out the garage today because now that my car is broken down, why the fuck am I bitching about the garage? I'm so ungrateful.