Sunday, February 13, 2011

Happy ValentiNe's Day



It's Sunday, I'm skipping church because my prayers have too many swear words, so instead I will give thanks here today.

First: It's above freezing!!! Time to remove the 17 layers of long johns and strut that ass! (please see photo). Of course with the thaw comes the odors which have been frozen into submission; it is hard to pick up after a dog when the warm nuggets melt a hole into the snowbank. Nobody really knows how much is piling up until the big thaw.
Also, there is no better way to find out if your roof is leaky than during a thaw occuring when there may be 2 feet of snow up top.

Next: The first Valentine's in recent memory sans Mr. Bunker! This is excellent news on a number of levels; most importantly of course that I don't have to listen to him say "Happy Valentimes". This tends to grate on the ears, maybe worse that a drunken crackhead having a yodeling contest with a pack of stray cats. Additionally, I don't have to swoon over a box of cheap chocolates and a gas station rose, nor do I have to even pretend that the leopard-print whatever in the wrong size that he usually picks up someplace off of a clearance table makes me want to do anything over than have a nice long vomit.

And: A few boxes of very fine chocolates which were given to me by a patient whose bit of asperity over a little amputation a few years ago seems to have faded. I also love the stupid little candy hearts with the stamped-on dumb sayings. I enjoy them almost as much as the fine chocolate; the kids will bring me a good supply of them which will spare me the embarrassment of having to buy them for myself.

No pestilence, rodent infestations, bedbugs, catastrophic events or eminent utility shut off due to non-payment of bills. Life is good!

except...one small problem that's hanging me up, preying upon my mind. Do leggings go in the hosiery drawer or do they go in the closet with the pants? I don't know, and I keep changing my mind. This issue is so draining.




58 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holidays. I like to avoid as much of the holiday stuff as I can get away with. I am getting better and better at it too, it takes cunning and skill :) But success is worth it!!!!!

Your leggings go in the drawer you put your jeans in, but in their own little stack. I think it's silly to hang up jeans.

-SCRN

Edith Winehouse Plath Etheridge said...

..but the legging pile is to small. It wrecks the symmetry of the jean stacks. I am in agreement that they (and jeans) do not belong on a hanger.
Hope your avoiding those annoying hearts & kisses!

Anonymous said...

Edith.... The leggings go in the drawer next to your panty hose...mine do anyway......When the "boy" get's bigger and has a job he will buy you flowers and they will mean soooo much more because he will do it out of love, I know because my boys do that for me......HAPPY VALINTINES DAY!! Pat

Anonymous said...

Dear Archie,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0mxOXbWIU

=)

I'm alive. And well. Grab them kids, the bathing suits and lets do Disney.

xoxo

Gia's Spot said...

Oh that video was perfect!! Go figure, first time, evah, I got orchids, dark chocolates, a romantic CD, card and a slow dance in the kitchen! Match.com is my BFF!!! And as for the leggings, I gave them their own drawer!!
Happy days are here again Edith! Looking at airfair for august!!
Gia

Anonymous said...

Edith,
...not if you throw out the jeans you never wear. Pat, you're not supposed to wear regular pantyhose anymore - IDK why?! I will still wear black though.

-SCRN

Anonymous said...

SCRN...I don't, never wear dresses anymore either BUT their still in the drawer just in case I have to go to a funeral or a wedding (god forbid) Pat

Capt. Schmoe said...

I stack my leggings neatly in a drawer, right between my.45 and my doily collection. My jeans are hung in the closet, right next to my Packers jerseys and my Ted Nugent T-Shirts

Fashion is such a bitch out here in The Land of the Dirt People.

Edith Winehouse Plath Etheridge said...

Oh Captain...Packers Jersey?? THAT is disturbing. And be cheered because in dirt land you don't have to figure out how to remove that melted slush concoction that threatens to ruin your black leather hooker boots; rejoice.

The video is on a never ending loop on my laptop, "Glee" version when the kids are present. Disney sounds pretty good about now!

Gia, Slow dance in the kitchen? Anything else we need to know? And I still wear panty hose it's too damn cold up here to do the bare leg thing all year. I love those fake fishnets.

Gia's Spot said...

Alas Edith, another one bites the dust! It was all downhill after that slowdance, seems that was his best! Thats ok, my subscription to Match.com doesnt expire for 2 1/2 months so I have a lot of dates to go!! Course the more I go on the more I remember why I have been divorced since 1986!!!xoxoxo looking into those runs you have there! Gotta spread my brother.............

Anonymous said...

Capt., Don't tell me you are one of those guys who has his jeans cleaned and pressed with a crease too!
-SCRN

Big Fuckin Gertrude said...

Edith!

I know Sylvia Plath, sort of know who Amy Winehouse is, so I get the suicide and substance abuse angles. Wkipedia tells me Etheridge is one Melissa Lou Etheridge, "American rock singer-songwriter and musician... iconic gay and lesbian activist since her public coming out in January 1993... had a long-term partnership with Julie Cypher... During this partnership, Cypher gave birth to two children fathered by sperm donor David Crosby. In 2000, Cypher began to reconsider her sexuality and on September 19, 2000, Etheridge and Cypher announced they were separating." I surmise that you plan to go to bat for the other team, then lose your partner to David Crosby after he addles her little brain with his virulent sperm. In grief you will spiral into substance abuse and finally suicide. The end.

Somebody needs to walk on the sunny side of the street.

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CrazyPoet said...

It is good to have you back! Sorry that you got hooked up with an alien from the vilest planet hell...just keep on keeping on, my friend. ALWAYS!

CrazyPoet said...

P.S. "Love" the new name!

Anonymous said...

WPE,
Where did you go? That apartment can't be so hip and cool that you are too fabulous now to pop in and post...
-SCRN

Anonymous said...

Edth where are you????????? Pat

Anonymous said...

You hoo where are you???? I've even lost Franks blog ...read it through someone else's blog and they blocked him off. Does anyone have his blog address? Put it in here I always check Edith everyday to see if she has returned. Thanks Pat

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Brankica said...

I just have to say that the pic is hilarious. I laughed like crazy :)

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Anonymous said...

Okay Edith enough of this creepy guy in his disgusting shorts.......You have got to come back for a few minutes if only to give my old eyes something better to look at. I'm taking it that the "evil one" still is making your life A living hell....writing to us would take your mind off of it for a little while anyway.......please Pat

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The Whale said...

I'll put in a plea for Edith to put something other than those terrible shorts up as the latest post. She is still alive and doing pretty well. Archie is still causing major angst, but things are moving in the right direction. Maybe no the right direction for Archie. We'd like to aim him for somewhere outside of the country, like maybe an eastern European country or something like that.

Anonymous said...

EDITH PLEASE!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Whale can you plead again for Edith, I miss her...as do the rest of us. Edith I'm getting older and need to know that you are on the upward climb....Pat

Anonymous said...

Do you think Edith and Archie got back together and are on their honeymoon??? pretty scary thought!!!!!

Red said...

Edith

Its August already.... Where are You? Update please,dying to hear

Anonymous said...

My dear Edith....You just have to check in, we all are going crazy with worry etc, and the ugly guy in those horrible shorts HAS to go. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!take pity on the elderly,,Pat

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Anonymous said...

EDITH WHERE ARE YOU?????? DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING? IS SHE ALRIGHT?? PAT

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Anonymous said...

To whom it may concern.....Does anyone know what happen to our Edith? Please send a message if you know anything. Pat

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Edith is fine. She and her wonderful children spent their Christmas with us and we had a great time. Although the Boy's favorite gift was the Whoopee cushion that his aunt bought for him and he found a new favorite song on an old Dr Demento record (yes real vinyl). Obviously, since we are talking about the boy, it's called "Bounce your Boobies". Edith misses her blog and may be in a position to start making updates again very soon. I won't provide any spoilers, but will wait for her to tell it in her own words.

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