OR does she shank him in the night and sweetly whisper,"it'll only hurt for a minute, and don't worry these aren't the good sheets?"
OR maybe she chops off his noodle, stews it with garlic and bay leaves, lovingly & deftly cuisinarts it with roasted garlic and cilantro, and passes it off as humus served on whole grain crackers?
OR they go to a romantic island, ceremoniously renew their wedding vows and begin a new chapter of their lives as soul mates? (that one made me throw up just a little)
Anyway.
I guess it's better to have all the drama at once, why drag things out? Boot the bonehead during my office start-up, then when it's done my home and office will be in strict adherence with feng shui and Zen and I'll hum a happy working song while enjoying my home which will be devoid of the mountains of clearance table shit which are the current bane of my existence. That and the being that continues to procure these goods during hours of the day that should be occupied by some (any) type of gainful employment. Please note that there is absolutely nothing appealing about a man home lounging in his boxers at noon on a weekday. NOTHING. Unless, I suppose, the man is Johnny Depp.
13 comments:
Dear Mrs. Bunker,
No matter what, I am on your side.
Retirement for men is frequently not pretty. The sad Troof is that they do exercise command and perspective within a framework of a job, but frequently that perspective gets lost without the framework. Retirement is an assault to their identity, and that's major shit.
So usually this requires a period of adjustment or even an upheaval. Stick to your limits and perquisites. If you make it work, you will want those well-defined. They will help you both.
Hopefully Archie will find occupation and meaning in some new venue for his admin talents, etc. His frustration will then not be aimed toward you.
Your sanity counts the most. Get to the Spa, get the Shoes, the Shrink, the Pastor or whatever it takes. You cannot do for others unless you take care of your own capable self.
Do not get a Cuisinart. You don't need it anyway, not for this.
I cheer you on. You are magnificent and brilliant. You deserve the best.
Ann T.
Thank you Ann! you are correct about the whole preservation of sanity thing.
maybe when the dust settles I'll change my profile to some occupation besides "embittered woman".
Find every reason not to be home. Sign the kids up, take them places since summer is coming. Your excuse is "No, Archie... this is me and the kids time". Soon he will think that is what he should do, and tell you that he wants to take them out without you. FINE. Then you have some peace at home without either just to buy your brain some down time.
Edith, I think you are finally ready for something new. It's time.
-SCRN
Yikes, and I was so looking forward to a Hawaii post.................. good luck Edith, it is so nice to hear you back again!!
it's all sunshine & smiles from here. really. thanks Gia & SCRN!
Nothing attractive about mid-day boxer wearing sessions? Really, nothing? Geesh, I had no idea. Now what the hell am I going to wear?
Maybe I can dig some wrestling pants out of my closet. Hopefully, The Saint won't read this, I have spent the longest time convincing her that her opinion of male fashion is seriously flawed.
Seriously Mrs. B, sounds like you might be at that point where the risk / benefit analysis is starting to indicate change.
Good luck with this, it is usually a less than positive experience for everyone involved. However, if the situation has crossed that sanity threshold, it may be a move of self-preservation. Only you can know for sure.
Regardless, best wishes to you.
Very sincerely,
Schmoe
Nice to here from you Edith...one word...
Hypercapnia...
which is why I never go to sleep without my EtCO2 monitor properly calibrated with alarms set to max volume...
and I know you havent wasted 1/3 of your life watching TV like me, but Edith Bunker didn't have a happy ending on "All in the Family"...
They killed her off inbetween seasons and Archie adopted that cute little Jewish girl...
and I'm not encouraging homicide, just sayin, CPAP machines have been known to fail...
Frank
Captain, I'm sure you look spectacular in your attire, and I'm not sure if going for those wrestling pants is really a great idea. Thank you for your kind words.
Frank: do you do any agency work?
Does your husband keep a Spyderco under the pillow at night?
You might want to ask him. Kind of in passing. You know, like, really off-hand.
BZ
Good show, Edith.
My friend just kicked out her manipulative husband. She wishes she'd specified in the agreement that they exchange their son in a public place, as her ex is always lingering at her house. He also calls compulsively so she's trying to get an anti-harassment order (which I think is unique to King County, WA unfortunately). Anyway, she says you should log his contacts with you.
She performed most of the childcare anyway, so now she says her life is the same, only without the jackass and beer cans.
Best of luck!
--Don in Seattle
BV! I used to have what looks like a mini folding (2.5" blade) spyderco that I kept in my purse. It was very useful for many mundane tasks at home & office. It has mysteriously gone missing in the last couple of months. Guess I'll to check into it's whereabouts. good thinkin'
Don: thanks for stopping by! I'm hoping to make the exchange at church. this will promote good behavior on the part of everyone. There are a couple of families at church that have done this so discreetly that the casual observer would never know it was anything but regular Sunday morning church. I'm being optimistic thinking that Mr. B will cooperate but you never know. It' s good to hear that things are going well for your friend. thanks!
Mrs. B--
It is, indeed, time. I admire your determination and lend you every ounce of strength I have to lend. It will not be an easy adjustment--just know--deep in your heart of hearts--that this is the right thing. Everyone WILL land on their feet--and be stronger. Okay, maybe everyone will land on their asses, but the good news there is, the ass bone is a difficult one to break, and paralysis seldom occurs. Even landing on one's ass has its benefits--you get to experience pulling yourself up by the bootstraps!
To ramble on--find a corner somewhere, anywhere, where you can be completely alone--and promise yourself that, from this moment on, YOUR life is lived on YOUR terms, and that no one will EVER take that away again.
And finally, remember this: there are tons of people on the face of this planet who truly, deeply care about you--surround yourself with that knowledge, and tap into it when the road gets bumpy. Most importantly, HANG TOUGH!
Thank you thank you thank you C.P.
Thank you!
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