That's right, my little cupcake has landed the lead in the Christmas pagent. From Zombie Cheerleader to the Holy Virgin! Get her an agent! The Boy is a lowly shepard, but he wins at the end of the day as he was the Baby Jesus in his first year of life; hard to beat that one...even though he got a terrible crotch rash from the hay that somehow got into his swaddling diaper.
It's not even officially winter and suddenly it's become COLDER THAN A CORPSE'S CUNNY. Pardon the vulgarity, but there is really no polite way to describe these conditions. Zero degrees this cheerful AM, the inside of my freezer is warmer. Of course my car is frozen solid on the street because the garage is still full of busted up lawn ornaments (never mind our lack of a lawn) and a few skids of mismatched marble tiles slated for no apparent destination. This is probably just as well, because if I found it cleaned out at this point I would probably soil myself and ruin my fabulous hosiery.The good news is that due to the vicious climate, I require new boots and fancy stockings to keep warm because of my delicate constitution. The weather is tiresome but the wardrobe change is good for the soul.
December is the month when chronic conditions suddenly become urgent because everyone who has met their deductible and has a few sick days left needs everything they can get NOW. Clock's tickin' baby, and I'm not too proud to glom on to what I can get before the new calendar year starts and everyone realizes that they're broke & they can live with those chronic conditions for a while longer.The kids have runny noses and I've only baked one batch of Christmas cookies. I'm buried under paperwork, haven't shopped & my lips are chapped.
I am also the most inept office manager ever. EVER.
10 comments:
Brrrrr... brother in Chicago called yesterday also complaining about the freezing conditions.. it was 52 here... huh global warming? but only here... and the boots are fabulous! Once again establishing your fashionista status. Maybe a trip to Washington to speak With Michelle?
The zombie cheerleader into the virgin Mary, just goes to show ya anyone can be saved!!
Very little of what I do is elective, but flu/pneumonia season always coincides with year end. Then there's the, "Merry Christmas from R.J. Reynolds" guy with the big tumor wrapped around his superior vena cava.
Nice boots and tiger stripes BTW. I'm playing a wiseman in the church Christmas pageant. The one with the myrrh.
Virgin Mary huh. Not bad. Obviously she's got more of her mothers genes (thank god).
and I wont tell you we tied a record here in Ft. Laudy yesterday. 86. and Miami blew away their old record with a balmy 89. =)
::runs to hide::
So, if your daughter is the mother of god, does that make you the grand ma-ma of god? If so, does that come with a title?
Tell the boy not to get discouraged, sheepherder is an underrated job - It definitely requires more intellect than fire chief, probably pays more too.
I too had to change footwear due to weather. It has gotten so cold (65 deg f.) that I made the switch from sandals to tennis shoes. So far, the canvas ones are working out fine, if it gets much colder, I may have to put on socks.
I put the top back on the jeep too as we are supposed to get a 1/4" of rain over the next few weeks.
Winter (or late fall as it were)is hell around here.
Thank you Mrs. B. for the post.
Dear Mrs. Bunker,
Congratulations on your own elevation in this, which is, from Zombie Death-Mom to Saint Anne, mother of Mary and patron saint of grandmothers.
From your lofty heights, I don't think office organization should worry you. However, if you are worried, St. Christina the Astonishing might help you.
She arose from the coffin at her own funeral to climb the cathedral walls, screaming that the congregation was sinful. I am not kidding. Some people say she flew up there. That also covers the zombie mom reincarnation too, if you think about it.
The saint-electors may actually have downgraded St. Christina the Astonishment.
In other celestial matters, the weatherman keeps downgrading our blizzards to cold rain, which is a bore.
Keep me in your prayers,
Ann T.
When you coming to visit Gia? it's warming up now..
Cholera Joe, it's a ploy to meet women, the wiseman thing right?? just stay away from the virgins or you could feel the wrath of a Grandmother of God. And give thanks to R.J. for keeping us all busy.
The warm weather taunts are just cruel, thank you peedee and Capt, and just who the hell is calling me granny anyway? I believe that Ann T. has provided a much more thorough answer than I could.
AND Ann T., how does one invoke St. Christina the Astonishing? I need her.
Dear Mrs. B,
I think the petition would go something like this:
Dear St. Christina,
You who flew above your community without benefit of a broom, you who were driven up the wall in the quest for reason; you who were able to show idiots the error of their ways: please, please, conduct another astonishing miracle.
Because there are still idiots out there who don't realize it yet, in particular, (name or names), who drive me starkers . . .
Try that.
Oh: this should not be a SILENT prayer. I don't believe Silence was one of Christina the Astonishing's gifts (except when presumed dead, of course). It should be said In The Area needing Saintliness, Out Loud. Everyone will quiet down and get to work. I think.
Good luck with that,
Ann T.
P.S. I hope I am not struck down in an Astonishing lightstorm.
OMG or should I be saying Oh My Saint Anne? Ann T THAT is the funniest thing I've read in awhile! Thanks for making me spit coffee on my iPhone at 8am. So worth it!
Oh and by the way Edith, once you learn to fly can you drop a few smart bombs on Comcast please?? I do believe my cause is worthy of your Saintness.
OMG, Mrs. B/GMOG (grandmother of God), your devotees are hilarious! Spitting coffee on an iPhone--I can top that--how about wetting my pants while sitting on the brand new (read: gently used) sofa!!!!
Ann, you are officially my hero; bask in glory at your leisure.
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