Spring fashion review (in rather poor taste)

CAMEL TOE / MUFFIN TOP / WHALE TAIL


Study break = quick review at magazine rack in the bookstore. My offerings and observations are provided here, as I am a bit of a fashion Icon (for second hand, 3-seasons-old type shoppers).
I have thoughtfully provided illustrations of the below mentioned fashion problems. I am NOT the model in any of these.

So, the 2008 spring fashion magazine review:

• Any article of clothing described in a fashion magazine as"flirty" is generally intended for, well, the workin' gal. Be advised that "flirty" is a code word for "slutty".
  

• The good news: the waistlines are moving up, so we'll be seeing a few less butt cracks with the accompanying "Whale Tail" or "Bat Sign", as you prefer. This should also eliminate the dreaded "Muffin Top" created by too-small low waisted pants.

• The bad news: the higher waistline will convert "Muffin Top" to an even worse phenomena known as "front butt" which has never lost it's allure in most of the state of Indiana. I could not find an appropriate illustration for the "front butt" but it is a fairly descriptive term.
  

• More bad news: elimination of the "Whale Tale" can also produce "Camel Toe", and it it possible to have simultaneous "Camel Toe" and "Front Butt". I have not come up for a name for this fashion horror just yet. Let's just try to avoid it, ok?
  

• $3,000.00 handbags? I'm sorry, I have to draw the line at the $800.00 shoes. The $800.00 shoes at least have the redeeming quality of being good for business.