Monday, September 6, 2010

No more "adult services"? Why Craigslist, Why??

Cripes, and just when I've found myself in need of some adult services! You know you can't count on those pathetic whippersnapper punk-ass kids if you're looking for something done well, such as, say, fine embroidery, quality typesetting, or refurbishment of the reliable old family sawed-off shotgun. These are services that absolutely must be provided by an adult.

But really. I'm no dummy. I do know that those aren't the services that were advertised in that section of Craigslist. That section was for peddlin' the poon, and I'm still upset, because as the current provider for ma bebbies, it only makes sense to have a back-up plan in place; a momma's gotta do what a momma's gotta do, those Xboxes aren't going to be buying themselves!

Clearly my life goes on as I continue to try to beat Mr. Bunker back into that giant Summer's Eve box from whence he lurched, knuckles dragging and so on. Who knew that when you peel back each layer of Mr. Bunker craziness, there's another layer of crazier? How can this be? How many layers are there anyway?? Isn't there some kind of reality show for him??? hello TLC, I'm talking to you. Or Bravo. PBS? Animal Planet??

I'm happy to relate that I now have all the basics that would be required for comfort in a college dorm room. I finally have a bed, and even wireless internet, (thank you Jacob) and a very fancy 22" flat screen TV. Soon I will have a dresser and my underthings will no longer be stored in milk crates.
It is ever so much more comfortable than my previous elegantly appointed domicile. So for all you cynics out there, behold, a happy ending.


911 and the Randomness.. said...

Good for you! And good luck w/ the only seems to come in crazy, crazier, and bat shit crazy layers.

Capt. Schmoe said...

Somehow Mrs. Bunker, I'm guessin' the type of clientele you might need to maintain your bebbies in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed don't read Craigslist.

Between that and the alimony you might have to pay Archie, I'm thinking an ad in the Wall Street Journal might be more appropriate.

Either that or Pro Golfer's Digest. I hear Tiger sort of hit a dry spell lately and might require professional help.

Either way, glad to hear that you are finding a new "normal", one a little less crazy than the last.

Only the best to you, please keep us posted.

Big Fuckin Gertrude said...

I confess to being a little disappointed because things are bound to simmer down around here now that you have insulated yourself from the big crazy. I'm sure you're an interesting person, but face it -- Archie was your muse. He was our muse. Instead of wending your way through the menagerie that was your old home, you will now be buying shoes and eating scallops with arugula and dropping the children off for their cello lessons on your way to coffee with Fritz at the gallery. Perhaps you will perfect your upside-down cake.

It was a good time. Thanks. Go forth and enjoy a normal and tidy life.

Gia's Spot said...

Congrats, Edith! I disagree with Gertrude... I cant wait to hear all the horror dating stories (cause you WILL attract more loonies, scrubs and indigent ) men! And the continuing saga of divorcehood and Archies antics to harrass you! Oh contraire Gertrude, the fun is just beginning!

CholeraJoe said...

I expect that your earning capacity will be unimpaired as a highly skilled physician and that you won't have to resort to back-of-the-limo shennanigans to make ends meet. I also anticipate a long line of forty-something gentlemen of means, pursuing your affections.

If'n I weren't already somewhat attached to a college perfessor, I'd be lining up myself.

Anonymous said...

Yea you have internet at last....Sure hope you don't have to pay that slug...if you do.... do it in pennies. I have some really anonymous things to do to him to make his life a living hell.....I'm there for you!! Great to hear from you. Pat

CrazyPoet said...

Ah yes, the "happily ever after" seems to be very quickly approaching your horizon. Yay. There may be a few potholes, mountains, or deep, dark, dank valleys ahead...but chin up, my friend, keep your eyes on the prize (your sanity, peace of mind, and overall well being of you and yours) and walk're NOT alone...even when you can't see us, we are there...urging, praying, hoping...And finally, the most important thing: even when one finds themself surrounded by ugly, there IS just have to look for it!

Anonymous said...

Edith, I am sure that after a few months of having every geeky doc you ever didn't notice, trying to ask you out, (has this started happening yet? LOL, if not, it will be another something to be endured) you'll find some wildly hot man to help you forget it all.


Mrs. Bunker said...

911: you mean there is still a layer yet to come?? It's so annoying that he's the crazy one and I'm the one visiting a shrink. unfair.

Captain! Thanks for visiting, sound advice as usual. Tiger, however was cleaned out by the ol' lady. Chalk one up for the sisterhood.

Big Fuckin Gertrude!
You may in fact be correct. But Fritz?
who knows, my taste in men is notoriously poor. 15 years with Mr. Bunker and I could possibly go land me another loser. Let's please remember that I have a few family members begging for my attention, and read Gia's comment because it made me feel as if there may still be a future for The Emporium.

Gia: dating? I'm planning on becoming the cray cat lady in the neighborhood. And it is true that Archie will never go away completely. he'll always be lurking.

C.J., librarian or no, you can't come to Chicago because of that whole gun law thing. I appreciate the sentiment though.

Thank you Pat.
I do so dearly hope that I don't have to pay him! he has the house, his future pension, and some real estate, none of which I'm
I have some new towels that I picked out myself and they are quite lovely!

Crazy Poet: thank you for helping me fight the good fight! I'm sure I'll have plenty to bitch & moan about but I have hopes that the future is bright.

SCRN: please see the crazy cat lady goals stated above.
Yes, they are geeky.

peedee said...

I think you should be the crazy dog lady. Who got the dog btw??

And agreed. He'll always be around. You're connected permanently by The Boy and Miss H.

lol, I cant believe you were going to Craigslist to hookup. lmao!! Everyone knows Adult Friend Finder is the hookup capital!

Stay well and thanks for the update!

Mrs. Bunker said...

peedee: the dog is his. until the 'lil fucker I mean little flower is neutered he's not coming into my place.
I won't go into detail about some of the dog issues because you would certainly take a trip to Chicago to inflict harm upon Mr. Bunker. Not that I would really care that much, I just don't want to get blamed.

peedee said...

You mean you don't want me to go to jail. Bless ur heart.

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