Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Status Changes

For Dr. P.A., "dressing up" involves wearing clean scrubs and her formal Crocs. It is therefore a stunning event to see her in shoes that look they should be paired with tassels and a thong accommodating bills of varying denomination.
And why all this glitter and glam? bitch is getting married, of course. I guess we have to maintain some cosmic balance in the universe regarding the misery index. I get unmarried, she gets married. Meanwhile Dr. Ginger's chosen one is preparing to birth the messiah. I'm nearly certain that they will be calling her/him Edith.

All these major occurrences within our office, and still people keep coming in to whine about their ridiculous aches and pains, as if we have time! so thoughtless.

But back to the wedding. Who thinks that having me as a reader of verse is a good idea? What if I throw back too much of the blue drank and start some kind on meandering soliloquy on my own experiences with the blessed nuptials?
Should I invite my lawyer to be my date? He is currently one of my favorite people, after all.
Naw. He'd charge me for the time, plus I've already got the outfit all picked out & pressed for Felix, the only man I'll ever love again. When I have him all dressed up & I'm bored and home alone, I'll make some sophisticated cocktails with White Zinfandel from a box mixed with 7up, then waltz around with him to some John Tesh tunes. Or Michael Bolten. No grinding though, that would be in poor taste.


Anonymous said...

LOVE the shoes silver is my favorite and sparkles to boot WOW!!! Find a gay guy to be your date (they treat ladies much better)there are some really cute ones too. Nobody has to know he's gay. Have fun!! Pat

Anonymous said...

Well, Edith I heard this in the car on the way home and I thought of you:


I did warn Dr. PA months ago at the announcement about not letting you get hold of the microphone, and if I remember straight, also about adding just a little bit of xanax in the joe beginning about two weeks before the big day (maybe carry some preloaded haldol, ya know just for security's sake).


peedee said...

MAKE SURE THEY RECORD YOUR VERSE!!!! I wanna hear this!! lmao! Oh please, have fun with it.

ummmm, felix??

And I'm here to tell you, I dunno what the fuck happened to free love but it appears to have died with the 80's. pffffffft.

peedee said...

Oh, DONT drink the blue shit. Just dont.

911 and the Randomness.. said...

I'm w/ Peedee, don't drank no blue nothing and def record the reading for future fun!!!!

CholeraJoe said...

Is that Pepe Le Pew? Mon Dieu!

Anonymous said...

its the PURPLE Drank ya gotta watch out for...

Bloviating Zeppelin said...

Aw Christ, there you went and did it, playing to my foot fetish. Didja really have to go there??


Okay, fine: so what color ARE your toenails??


Mrs. Bunker said...

Pat: still looking for that perfect gay arm candy who can be a fake date and a wardrobe consultant. sigh. the perfect man.

SCRN: Thank you for the youtube flashback! I think she's got someone in the wings with the tranq gun just in case I begin to stray.

Peedee: No recording devices allowed. It will be fun. In secret.

911:of course I'm going to have some of the blue shit. stay tuned for some drunken blogging. the best kind, just ask peedee.

CJ: I do not mess around with the froggys. Ever.

BZ: Sorry to get your foot fetish thing all bothered, wait til I post reception pictures! And my toenails are still black and blue from all the he man ass-kickin I've been up to lately.

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