Or Valentimes, as Mr. Bunker calls it; even the kids find this annoying. This year he managed to barf up another dress for me by my favorite granny knitwear designer. He got the size right this time, now I just have to wait about 50 years while my dowager hump fills out. Now for the bad news. My long-term life plan has been cruelly kicked in the nether regions by the ridiculous Dr. P.A. , all as part of some stupid Valentines stunt. ENGAGED!! She's become engaged. fool.
She might have been drunk I guess, but still! I guess she envies my connubial bliss, but who wouldn't, really?
I was counting on her to be my crazy cat lady life partner after Mr. Bunker gets the boot. I figured we would grow old together in our outdated designer clothing and ratty fur coats. We'd drink whiskey & smoke camels all day long. But nooo, she's running off with some tool she's only known for 7 years! Sure he seems like a decent enough guy and he did come up with an acceptable Christmas present, but why rush in to something like this? Who even knows what he could be hiding? He may have a whole secret storage unit full of dead bodies or worse, broken lamps, random items from the clearance table and a giant collection of pez dispensers. This is madness! Marry in haste, repent in leisure, that's what I always say (as I leisurely repent).
She's even already been married once, and I'm of the mind that if one wishes for some new china and towels, one ought just to boost some money from of the kid's college fund, no need for all the pageantry.
The first marriage was quite brief, and the wedding was probably fairly inexpensive, it usually is if nobody is of drinking age. If you're thinking "shotgun" well you're just all wrong because they are not shotgun people at all. I'm guessing that they're more likely large caliber handgun or rifle type folks. So even though that coupling wasn't without its flaws, isn't once enough? She got a superb child out of the deal and.....wait a minute. Maybe it's happened again! One in the oven?? Never considered that angle.
Anyway Dr. P.A., since you liked the understated elegance of this gown when I posted a picture of it some time ago, I guess you can wear it. I was thinking I was going to wear it to the auto show, but it's all yours. See, even when I'm crushed I'm thinking about the happiness of others. I can't help it, that's just the way I am.
15 comments:
Yay Dr. Pa!!! Congrats!! I'm sure he's a fine upstanding citizen with a job and a car and no hoarding tendancies! Edith, stop being jealous, its not becoming. lmao.
You can be the old cat lady with me! I'm gonna be the old dog lady remember!! It was just gonna be me and my 25 labs up on the mountainside in my logcabin alone, but I'll rent ya some porch space and a rocker! Hell, what are friends for anyway???
Women get married for Love, Men get married so they don't have to risk getting arrested for date rape, I mean getting arrested for soliciting Hookers, at least thats my story.
Frank
How romantic! Isn't love just grand! I can't think of a better Valentine's day gift than a proposal for a lifetime commitment to love, honor, cherish and obey.
Having said that, If Dr. P.A. does decide to wear that dress, try to get her to plunge that neckline just a bit further, then post the pictures on the web. Thanks a lot.
Your not going to give her my towels are you???? Pat the towellady.............
peedee: ok, maybe dogs are better than cats anyway because they don't start to eat you after you die, or so I've been told.
Frank, Frank, Frank. Remember that women marry for many reasons: for green cards or phobias about killing spiders, or as part of deep cover while investigating the Chicago outfit. Men marry because their mothers tell them to so that someone can do their laundry.
Captain, you are a TRUE romantic!
Pat! sooner or later those towels will make their way
up to you. truth.
Dear Mrs. Bunker,
I'm petrified for you both because that one lady in fur looks happy and the other one worn down by yessing Sis.
You and peedee need to work out whoze going to be Sis and who's going to wear the pale yellow London Fog. I know Frank is going to suggest mud-wrestling for it but there's got to be a better way.
If I come to visit, I am going to wear a moth-eaten fox fur that bites its tail and a hat with a net over the eyes and an abundance of plastic flowers.
I will bring Lucky with me. Don't worry! I'll dope him first. How fun that will be!
The future looks grand dame,
Ann T.
p.s. Congratulations to Dr. P.A.! I forgot that part.
p.s. 2. When the bride wears a dress like that, the groom should wear black backless leather shorts and a cropped tux shirt. The tails of the jacket should not be too long. he should drop the ring when he is nervous. OMG! It's just as bad the second time!
it was only suspected before, but now its crystal clear- YOU LOVE ME! was it my sexy fashion choices that started this, if so, i apologize for being so incredibly irresistable. that being said, i hope we can still be just friends.
and thank you peedee and ann t. for good wishes!
capt. schmoe- if i wore that lovely dress, people would be sadly disappointed in what they didnt see- best to leave things to the imagination, especially in my case.
Ann T, with you in your fox fur along with the rest of the group I think we have the basics for a fine reality show.
This assumes, of course, that the bride and groom adhere to the wardrobe advice set forth.
We could all retire!
Bunker: there are a lot of things you might just not know. They may hate each other and he's already bought her the house she'll be taking.
The wife and I got hitched on Vamtimes' Day. But that's mostly because it was a day I could remember in my dotage.
Hand me that vodka, eh?
BZ
well planned BV! happy anniversary and bottoms up.
Congratulations...I think. Oh, don't get me going on marriage. They don't call it an institution for nothing.
come on Linnn, get going on that charming institution called marriage. That's what we're here for!
Dr. Pa,
Shhhhhh. I'm gonna whisper so Mrs B can't hear...
(((((I would be sure to slip a little/a lot of xanax in Mrs. B's latte. Oh, say, starting a month prior to the wedding, and what ever you do, don't let her get hold of the microphone at the reception)))))
-SCRN (formerly SCNS)
10 days. ur killin me.
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