Oh Jonathan where art thou

Vacation. What's the point if the person you need a vacation from accompanies you on the trip? A turd is a turd whether it is snowing and gray or sunny and warm.

Archie Bunker stopped shouting at me a few times, mostly so he could yell at some unfortunate Mexican person. He is of the ilk who believes that if he speaks loudly, repeats himself louder and slower with subsequent iterations, and eventually elicits nods from the recipient of his verbal onslaught, that communication has been achieved. At least he is loud and scary enough that some of the street hustlers just looked the other way when we passed.

Last year we vacationed in the same spot with the kids. No kids this time. Last time we had a sorry looking water taxi driver called Jonathon. Jonathon was cheerful, filthy, drunk and almost completely toothless. He smelled like a goat and continually drank an amber colored liquid from a plastic coke bottle; he referred to his beverage as "Mexican Prozac." It was love at first sight for Mr. Bunker, a new best friend.... Archie Bunker shouted and gestured. Jonathon nodded and drank. He took our money, smiling toothlessly, and most assuredly did not understanding a single word Archie Bunker said. Archie Bunker was also getting drunk, happy to have found a soul mate, and believing that his 3 words of Spanish along with his loud tones forged a deep and lasting bond.

Having made such a wonderful acquaintance, Archie Bunker was determined to find Jonathon upon our return this year, after all, Jonathon would probably be able to direct us to all the best restaurants and hook us up with some bargain deep sea fishing, right?

So Mr. Bunker traversed the bustling marina of Cabo San Lucas seeking Jonathon with all the tireless vigor of a heartsick lover. I suggested that he was probably dead or in jail, but Archie persevered. To anyone that looked vaguely local or even just a little bit dirty, Archie would be upon them. It went kind of like this:

Archie Bunker: "do you know Jonathon?"
Them: "no habla english, senor"
A.B.: "you know, Jonathon, the guy with the water taxi."
Them: "sorry meester"
A.B.: "YOU KNOW!! Jonathon! No teeth (points at his mouth) drinks a lot (makes a drinking gesture), you know him right?"
Them: "you want to get high? I got the best shit. Almost free."

And so on. It's sort of looking for a middle eastern cab driver named Abdul in Chicago. On the third day, after countless inquires, Jonathon was located. Archie Bunker was ecstatic, Jonathon was confused. They commenced to a joyful reunion. Archie Bunker rattled on in a language not understood by Jonathon, and Jonathon (who probably wouldn't recognize his sister) tried to figure out who the hell Archie was and how he could get his money.